Happy Birthday Phyl, in this, our 44th (and a half) year of marital bliss... ;-)
NUMBERS (to please her) parade column-rank-&-file
all spit-&-polish… goose-stepping to her drum-major
baton cadences into the spotlight under the
Big Top of the 3-ring circus, the 3-ring-binder of
her bookkeeper, spreadsheet mind… & to her
sharp whistle, digits will wheel for her, group &
regroup into The Debits & The Credits (that Good
Ol’ Red & Black half-time extravaganza rah! rah!)
& with spectacular precision vault somersaulting
through flaming hoops, dance on their hind legs
(tails all wagging as 1), fly the arithmetic trapeze
& (with the greatest of ease) perform boring,
high-wire ledger-balancing ‘accts.’ & other
acts of legerdemain to the polite applause of all…
I’m into WORDS… Put numbers under my command
& in no time they deteriorate into a rag-tag band of
Undisciplined, smoke’em if you got’em goldbricks, forever
whining to take 5—an unwilling occupational force in a
country of rebel resistance to numbers… & that’s OK with
me because… I don’t really care for numbers…
She’s into numbers… I’m into words…
Me? Don’t much like numbers… I’m prejudiced:
We don’ need no steenkin’ nombres! Yeah, that’s
right: I’m an anti-numerite. I mean, what’s to like?
They’re all the same, practically. You can barely tell’em
apart. I mean, you seen one 1: you seen’em all… (all
the 1’s are alike— all little letter i wannabes) and (sing it!)
'1 is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do… 2 can be
as bad as 1: it’s the loneliest number since the number 1…'
& there are just so many negative numbers, you know
what i’m saying? Numbers like minus ten… How’d you
like to be a negative 10?...on a scale of 1 to 10?
Hey, you ever notice how 'cosecant' sounds just like
’course he can’t?' That makes me wanna shout
‘Course he can! every time… & it’s not like there are
really any hot little numbers, you know? Well, except
maybe Farenheit 451… or +110 in the shade… but even
those numbers are relative to the words that accompany
them… Numbers? Just pathetic little word-wannabes)…
But numbers are the Nazis, the Centurions of symbology...
militaristic & rigid, precise & absolute… so autocratic…
Why, there’s never any leeway with numbers, everything
is either black or red… never any grey areas… and
numbers are so class-conscious-- all that emphasis on
Greater than! Less than or equal to! See, I’m much too
democratic for numbers… I’m into words… Why?
Because words have more fun! Yeah, words are the
blondes of symbology… (hot, intelligent blondes).
Words, see, are always doing something different !!!
With numbers it’s always same ol’ same ol’, S.S.D.D.,
been there, done that, and got the T-shirt… No surprises:
guess what… 2 + 2’s never gonna=13... & what else are
numbers gonna dobesides add …subtract …divide???? Oh...
numbers can multiply, but can they be fruitful & multiply…
No. For numbers, there’s no sex, no drugs, no rock’n roll…
They can’t get drunk… hell, can’t even get to feelin’
pretty good-- 'Hey 30, whattayasay we get crunched tonight!
How ’bout it, Honey…? Let’s you and me get factored blind!'
Numbers can’t even swear…there are no dirty numbers (well,
there is doing a #1 or #2)… but that’s how boring numbers are
I mean, there’s only 10 of'em altogether… 10 insubstantial little
hen-scratches— count’em— 0 through 9… 3 times more
repetitive than the much more versatile 26 letters of the
superior alphabet from whence cometh our World of Words…
She’s into numbers…I’m into words… Maybe it’s a left brain,
right brain thing. But hey, I am SO cool I actually... look up words
in dictionaries…! Hell, no: I READ dictionaries! Eat'em for breakfast!!
But looking up words for her is like... like...
cleaning the oven...
cleaning the toilet…
I love puns & palindromes… she loves ledgers
& sums. I do onomatopoeia… she does audits…
Me? metaphors & meter— Her? money matters…
Poetry & prose— principal & interest
I look upon integers & interest with extreme
dis-interest... i am just so nonplussed
with plusses & minuses.
She’s into numbers…
Long, long ago… numbers body-snatched her
soul, left behind her look-alike pod that
hatches integers like cloned baby spiders
that protect & serve her, their queen now…
their Numero Uno (1)— those evil little
numbers… hordes and hordes of minions
doing her darkest bidding… Did I mention that...
she’s into numbers…
THIS IS IT--